Autism, such a confusing subject. | leanneandrews1991's Blog

     So as I stated in my first blog my son was diagnosed with Autism, what a shock and such a hard hit on the heart. I still do not understand it completely, I just know he reminds me so much of myself when I was young minus the slow talking apart, I was a chatterbox whereas he was late learning how to talk. I've read so many different sites about Autism and how to cope with it and that kind of stuff but it never did help, still doesn't. It's one of those things you take like an hour at a time. Most times I understand his behavior, other times things can be a bit more confusing and you really have to analyze why he is doing what his doing. It didn't change my love for him whatsoever, if anything I love him more, if that is possible. The part that made it so hard for me I was 16 when I got pregnant with him and gave birth 2 weeks after my 17th birthday, being so young I kind of blame myself now for his diagnosis even though they tell you in the doctors office it's mainly related to genetics, which me and Jeff can not find any in our family's histories. I quit smoking and ate very well, exercised a little, I felt I done everything right but I still blame myself, I brought this child onto this earth and he has to suffer with Autism. He does talk a little now, behavior is still being worked on and his eating habits are still awful. Coping with that plus relationship issues and the usual life stresses gets to me some days. But I can't help to always worry for him, will he be picked on in school? Will he always be a little slow at learning? Will he be able to handle stressful situations? I stay up every night thinking about my child's future and what if my little girl has it?  She is one year old and they don't usually begin testing til like 15 months around here. All in all most days I can handle, I just worry more about how he feels. Motherly instincts I guess, I'd give anything to protect my kids or make sure they don't get sick. Life is so brutal sometimes and children have such innocence and to see them being tested with blood work and MRI's and crap it is so hard to go through. I just wonder am I the only young mom going through this? Seems every other mom with an Autistic child around here is older and don't care to talk to a younger mom. Well perhaps one day we will figure this Autism out, until than we'll keep doing what we're doing. Peace people. :)